For all the right reasons
by Loki-of-221B
Summary: Castiel is actually less alone than he thinks he is. (Just a short one shot about how Cas is feeling after falling)


**I really don't know what left field this came out of but I re-watched some of the recent episodes and this happened. It's literally labelled as Cas rant in my story folder :)**

**I hope you enjoy but this was more for my feels than anything else :)**

Sometimes he thinks back to how he used to be. Powerful, strong, righteous. An angel for one thing. Then it all changed, it all went to hell, literally. Hester was right, the moment he laid eyes on Dean Winchester in Hell he was lost. Never to return, never to be a Warrior of God again.

All the things he had sacrificed for the Winchester's and what have they ever given him. What they ever done for him. He has given his life countless times, he has left his family and his home; the paradise that he used to know now only a distant memory, fogged by his mere human perception.

The only thing he had left of any value to anyone was his grace and now that is gone, used to cast his brothers and sisters from heaven and if his Father could see him now would he be ashamed with what he had become. A lapdog for a couple of humans that say he his family but never treat him like it.

Now, for example, he is working in a truck stop in Idaho and living in the storeroom. Not only has he been cast out of heaven but he isn't even allowed to ask this one thing of the Winchesters, shelter, a home and people to call family. Seeing Ephram solidified his belief that now he is human, he is nothing, just another soul that will eventually be snuffed out like a candle.

He is not special anymore, he is no skyscraper that could level mountains with a glance. He used to look at humans and feel envious of what they had, but where had free will ever gotten him. He had fallen from grace trying to fix his home; help his family but now he has to rack his brains trying to remember why he had done it. As so many people had said, it was not his problem to fix.

He stood on the sidelines as the Winchester brothers killed Metatron and with him, disabled the spell that had cast so many down from heaven. Their time on Earth had apparently changed the Host views on human interaction and they decided that apart from just working behind the scenes, they would stick to heaven.

Castiel did not care. Dean had held out his grace to him in a vial and said that he could go back to being an angel now, but he had just walked away. He could not return to being just their servant, if his time as a human had taught him anything, it was that Sam and Dean (especially Dean) did not need or want him as anything more than that.

"Cas! What are you doing! This is your grace, man. Come on! Down it and get flying!" He even had the nerve to sound worried and hurt, as if all his efforts had been for Castiel.

"You can keep the grace, it apparently comes in handy for powerful spells." Cas tried to stay strong he really did, but he had to stop walking now or else he might keel over, he was just so tired of everything.

"No! Cas come on, you're being stupid, would you just take it and everything can go back to normal, like it was before, if you want." Now Dean definitely sounded small and scared but he refused to turn around.

"I don't want things to be like they were before! Can't you see! I can't go back to that knowing that you don't care! I used to think you kept me around because you wanted me there but no. I fall and I'm not even allowed to ask you for help. I was always there when you called, but it doesn't work both ways, does it? I see that now, so keep the grace, if that's what I would be returning to then you can keep it all." He hadn't realised that he was half shouting and had turned around to face Dean but the look on his face made him pause.

"You really think you were just the hired help? How can you think that Cas, I would do anything for you. Anything at all and you couldn't stay with us because of angel inside Sam, that crazy SOB is gone now and you can come home. Please say you'll come back. I need you Cas-" Dean's voice broke on the last word and he rubbed at his eyes roughly as if staving off tears.

He walked up to Dean and slowly wrapped his arms around his waist and it was like all of his strings had been cut and the taller man buried his face in Castiel's shoulder.

"Everything, every decision I have made for the past few months has always been for you or because of you, knowing you would disapprove if I made the wrong choice." Dean's voice was muffled as it was still buried in his shirt collar, but Castiel tightened his arms around Dean.

"A little reassurance would have been nice. You know, that I hadn't been abandoned." That choked a laugh out of Dean and he pulled his head back, smiling a bit timidly.

"So you'll come back...for the right reasons this time?" He couldn't help but sound hopeful.

"Dean, my Dean. When have I ever denied you anything." With that he sealed his lips around Dean's and forgot about everything except for the little warm vial that had been slipped into his hand and the lips moving gently around his own.

Hoped you liked it :)


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